When does it start to feel real?
Ekkk trying to keep myself relaxed during these first couple weeks. Any tips?
It's been three days since we found out the amazing news that I am pregnant. I am wanting to shout from the rooftops, but this time I know better. I am laying low and keeping this our little secret with the exception of a my mother-in-law and about 3 other people. I think it is best to really keep your circle tight in the beginning.
Of course it can be hard to do this if you have been open about your IVF journey. We had been in the beginning it all felt so new and exciting/frightening we told a few of our close friends. Which at the time felt right for us. In hindsight I think I would be more careful this time around I don’t think I realized how sensitive I would be to people comments even when they meant well. I found myself stressing over so many details. This time around I wanted to keep it quiet we haven’t really talked about IVF in our circle in about 8 months since our last unsuccessful attempt in April. I now I prefer it this way and it will be an exciting surprise when we do announce. People know we are trying, but not asking me every other day how a test went or appointment. Don’t get me wrong it felt kind and supportive, but when you keep having to give bad news it starts to wear on you. Or even worse if you tell a close friend but they don’t say anything. It’s best for me to keep it my little secret.
God willing I will wait until probably 12-15 wks if we can. I know it won’t be easy, but I think it is for the best. Part of me would like to wait even longer. This is a special time where you can bond with you partner and your baby. I think it is a time to cherish and appreciate each day as it comes and not expect anything. Everyday is a gift. I am just so grateful we were able to get to this point again.
The fact that I am pregnant doesn’t really feel real yet to me. I do not have morning sickness and I am not as tired this time around. I am definitely preferring finding out in the winter because I am now in a hibernating, taking it slow kind of mode. Last time we were pregnant it was just after July 4th 2022. The summer for me can be tough if I do not have a vacation or fun things planned I almost get a bit depressed in the summer. I am not sure why, but I think I feel like I should be doing all these amazing things because the winter is finally over that I feel too much pressure that I should be out enjoying a nice day.
This year I did finally find a grove on my own going to a beautiful quiet beach on the Cape. It was like my secret little spot and it felt divine just sitting on the beach alone with the sand and the ocean. It is a very meditative beach and brings me a lot of peace. Most beaches near me are crowded and to go alone would feel daunting, lonely and stressful. I am really happy I found this little oasis for myself. I work from home and most people I know have jobs during the day or kids and so that is why it is harder for me to find someone to join me, Not to mention I tend to like to go at off times and not during the weekend. I have learned to love going by myself. Next year I will be bringing our little one and that will be the most special feeling in the world!
I want to write about the future in a positive way because I do believe words are powerful. Going through infertility it can feel like all these negative spells are being cast on you. In the beginning of this journey back in 2018 I refused to accept the fact that I had to go to an infertility doctor. I said to myself that word alone feels like a curse. That is why I prefer to say in(to) fertility. It is hard enough struggling to get pregnant when it seems like everyone around you is; the last thing you need is a label slapped on you that seals the deal. No thank you.
